Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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