in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
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It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
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Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I need water and some morals
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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