someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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