We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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