Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize