My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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