a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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