shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
where am i from again
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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