I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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