found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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