Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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