so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
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His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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