Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize