He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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