Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We need a shit load of segways right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize