Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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