I want to walk on stilts...naked
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize