The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize