What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize