don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize