u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
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Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
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I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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