Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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