So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
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He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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