I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize