Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize