I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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