How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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