thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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