I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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