Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
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I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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