If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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