i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize