i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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