He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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