you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
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you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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