I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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