Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
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I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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