Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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