He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
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On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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