I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
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Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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