I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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