Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
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GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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