i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize