You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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