i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
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Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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