My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
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he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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