Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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