ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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