I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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