So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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